


Possibilities

by ThatEsqCrush



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Age Difference, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, May/December Relationship, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:41:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25081798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatEsqCrush/pseuds/ThatEsqCrush
Summary: Love can come in the unlikeliest places... and age is just a number, right?
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Lucy Huston
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

It had been an unseasonably warm February afternoon. Dressed in jeans and a tailored charcoal grey lightweight sweatshirt, Rafael bounded down the steps of his apartment in search of coffee. He was in the middle of practicing his closing argument when his well-loved percolator broke. The same percolator got him through college, then law school, and through most of his career as an ADA. “Okay, so maybe it wasn’t completely random that it broke,” he admitted out loud to no one but himself.

In SoHo, it seemed like every door and window that could be opened, was. Rafael made his way down the busy Manhattan side walk. The street was bustling with throngs of native New Yorkers and tourists alike who had come out of their winter slumber, quick to enjoy the warm weather - a respite from the winter doldrum - that had settled in for the weekend.

Rafael made his way towards his favorite coffee shop/bakery that supplied coffee from a local roaster complimented with modern twists on French pastries.  
As he waited for the light to change, Rafael took notice of a sign on a restaurant window: Valentine’s Day reservations almost all booked - call now! It dawned on Rafael that it was indeed almost Valentine’s Day in a few weeks and that yet again, he was single.

Despite living the soltero life, Rafael’s bed wasn’t so lonely. He had his fair share of partners - women who like him, had an itch that needed to be scratched every once in awhile. It was all very business - almost transactional. Rafael sighed, as he crossed the street, his hands shoved in his pockets.

Rafael made his way into the coffee shop, ordering a latte and a pistachio loaf cake, choosing to sit by a window. He scrolled through his phone, sipping the hot elixir, when a shapely brunette in a cream colored sweater and light washed jeans caught his eye. He couldn’t see her face as she chatted with the vendor of the flower stand in front of the shop.

The waitress brought over Rafael’s pastry, and he quickly thanked her. Just as he did, the flower shop prospect turned her face, a small breeze blew her dark hair from her face.

Rafael felt his face turn pink as he realized he was gawking at none other than Lucy Huston, Olivia’s nanny. 

And to add further embarrassment, she was staring right back.  
***  
Lucy smiled at the flower proprietor, bidding them a nice day as she took her receipt. She made her way towards the coffee shop, assuming it’d be rude to not to say hello to her boss’ colleague - she’d spent enough time in Rafael’s presence anyway.

“Rafael — it’s so nice to see you,” she greeted.

Rafael gave her a trademark half smile. “Likewise. Enjoying this beautiful day, I presume?” He motioned for her to sit, and she did so. 

“I am,” Lucy replied. “I have the next few days off - my folks are coming into town, so I am just shopping and getting ready, hence the flowers.”

“Where are you from?” Rafael asked, his brows furrowed. The waitress returned, spotting that Rafael had company. Lucy shook her head, politely declining. “Let me treat you,” Rafael insisted and Lucy acquiesced, ordering a dirty chai latte.

“I’m from the city, but my parents moved out to Connecticut,” Lucy replied. “It’ll be nice to see them. Anyway, I don’t want to bore you - I am sure you’re plenty busy. I just wanted to say hi.”

Lucy moved to stand and grab her latte, but Rafael placed his hand on hers, stopping her. Rafael wasn’t sure what had come over him, but suddenly he was sure his closing could wait. Lucy bit her lip, feeling the spark when his large, warm hand covered hers. Lucy slowly sat back down, curious. She and Rafael had plenty of exchanges before - it was just nature of the job. But suddenly something felt different.

And it was there, in the a quaint coffee shop that tiny buds of something more began to be planted. As Rafael got to know her, beyond the quick chats at either the precinct or at Olivia’s apartment, he realized she was incredibly intelligent and witty. Rafael was enchanted with the way she laughed - her dark eyes sparkled. His eyes landed on her plump pink lips and he wondered how soft they were. Subconsciously he licked his own lips.

Lucy listened intently as Rafael talked about this frustrations with his closing argument. Lucy would never admit it to anyone but she always found the Cuban attorney devastatingly handsome. He radiated a presence that was captivating. She made a small joke to which Rafael laughed and she felt her cheeks pink, not realizing how someone laughing could even render her. They lost track of time, each of them eventually ordering second and third coffees.

Eventually Lucy did happen to glance at the clock and she gasped in horror. “Oh my God, I have to go. I have to do a few more pick ups. I am so behind.”

Rafael stood and helped Lucy gather her belongings. He admitted he too to get back himself. Rafael watched Lucy as she walked away. It took every ounce in Lucy’s being to not turn around as she walked away. It was the briefest encounter. But it stayed with her and she wondered if he felt it too.

Rafael did. And he jogged after her.

Lucy approached the corner of the sidewalk and waited for the light to change when she felt a finger tap her shoulder. She turned, and upon seeing Rafael, gave him a smile.

***Weeks Later***

Rafael helped Lucy slip her coat on. As she moved to button her coat, he dipped his head to kiss her neck.

“You know, we will have to tell Liv,” Lucy sighed.

“We will,” Rafael murmured, sweeping her hair away to gain greater access. “Soon.”

“And what if it doesn’t work out, hmm?” Lucy wondered out loud. “Then I’ll be heart broken and out of a job.”

Rafael stopped what he was doing, and moved to stand in front of Lucy. He placed his hands on her waist, drawing her close. “Who says it isn’t going to work out?”

Lucy cocked her head. “Sometimes it doesn’t work out.”

“We’ve barely started and you’re not even giving us a chance,” Rafael protested. “You and I know we are perfect for one another.”

Lucy nodded. “I know. This is just fucked - I don’t want to hurt Liv or worse, hurt Noah if this doesn’t….”

“It’s not fucked. It’s difficult. Life is difficult. But we owe it to each other.”

Lucy bit her lip, nodding. Rafael cupped her chin with his thumb and index finger. He bent his head to capture her lips with his. Lucy moaned into the kiss, as his tongue traced her bottom lip, seeking permission to enter, which she happily obliged. She pressed herself tightly against him, gripping the back of his neck. Rafael groaned, before running his hands from the roundness of her hip up to swell of the side of her breast. 

Lucy broke the kiss hesitantly, a bit breathless. Her pupils were wide, and her face was flushed with want. “If we keep this up, we’ll be late for our Valentine’s Day reservations.” 

Rafael shrugged, his own eyes dark and blown with lust. “To hell with dinner.”

Lucy threw her head back, laughing. “Thank God.” She grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been three months. Three months of texting, secret dates, and hidden, flirty looks when in each other’s presence. It would take every fiber in Lucy’s being to not jump into Rafael’s arms when she saw him - whether it was at Liv’s apartment or at the precinct when she was picking up Noah. Likewise, for Rafael - he would be in the middle of discussing a case with Liv when he would simply lose train of thought at the sight of Lucy. Even if she didn’t say anything, Rafael knew her scent intimately - and his olfactory receptors would go into overdrive.

Rafael was tasked to a particularly tough case and it meant many days and nights into the office. It was to his surprise when Lucy showed up at his office.

“Cariño, what are you doing here?” Rafael murmured, shutting the door to his office.

Lucy pressed her lithe body against Rafael’s and he wrapped his thick arms around her, enveloping her completely. Her hands pressed against his chest, tugging slightly on his suspenders and she stood on her tip-toes to press as kiss to Rafael’s lips. Rafael used the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue darting again at hers. She sighed, melting into his embrace and they enjoyed their private moment before breaking away.

“I miss you, that’s all,” Lucy replied softly as she used the pad of her thumb to rub off her lipstick that had smeared onto his lips.

Rafael pressed his face into her hand before kissing it. “I know. I miss you too.”

A staccato knock on the door interrupted their reverie, causing them to jump. “Barba—“ Liv charged into the office. She halted when she saw Lucy.

“Lucy? Hi? What are you doing here?” Liv questioned, her brows furrowed.

Lucy felt her face flush and her mouth went dry as she wracked her brain to formulate an answer.

“She thought you were picking up Noah here—“ Rafael jumped in, glancing at Lucy. Lucy gave him a half smile, nodding along.

“Right! And then I realized I got my days mixed up,” Lucy continued, mock hitting herself on the head. “I was just on my way out to go get Noah from the precinct.” She ducked her head and rushed past Liv, grabbing her purse from Rafael’s couch. Liv opened her mouth to reply but Lucy was gone. Rafael was certain if this moment was a cartoon, smoke would be emanating from her heels.

Liv looked at Rafael who shrugged in response. Liv shook her head before focusing on why she was there - she needed a warrant and fast.

***

A week later, Rafael and Lucy walked onto the vibrant green grass in Central Park, where the waited for the Philharmonic to perform. Rafael opened up the large blue checkered blanket. Lucy sank down to her knees, smoothing out the blanket before she began to remove the plethora food items they brought with them: mixed berries, soft cheeses, prosciutto and salami, and a loaf of French bread. She sat out the Bolero wine and Rafael opened it with the wine opener. Rafael grabbed the two glasses and sat them on the blanket gently, before he removed his shoes and socks. He sat with his knees up, legs spread apart and Lucy sat against him, her legs outstretched. Unbeknownst to them, they were spotted by curious eyes from a distance.

“Mom? Who is Uncle Rafa with?” Noah asked, pointing from the path he was on with Liv. “That’s Uncle Rafa, right?”

Liv squinted. “Yes,” she replied. ‘But I can’t see who he is with.’ “Let’s leave them be - we have to go.” Noah nodded before continuing on his bike, slowly pedaling away. Liv squinted one more - the face of the woman was familiar, but she was too far away. Liv cocked her head once more before chasing after Noah.

***

“I insist you stay for dinner,” Liv told Lucy. “Noah’s been asking.”

“Well, if Noah has been asking, how can I say no?” Lucy replied, bending down to smile at Noah. “Come on, let’s go get washed up.”

As Liv finished setting out the table, there was a knock on the door. She wiped her hands on the towel hanging off her stove before making her way to the door.

“Rafael,” Liv greeted brightly. “To what do I owe pleasure?”

“Wanted to bring over the Jackson case file…” Rafael began, stopping short at the sight of Lucy and Noah who had returned. Rafael tried to stop his mouth from twitching into a smile.

“Uncle Rafa! Uncle Rafa! Are you going to have dinner with us?” Noah pushed passed Liv to greet Rafael. Rafael smiled at the young boy before looking at his friend.

“Rafael is very busy—“ Liv began but Rafael cut her off.

“I think I can stay for dinner.”

“Hooray!” Noah shouted, running back to Lucy. Lucy met eyes with Rafael and she smiled.

***

“So Lucy, are you doing anything fun tomorrow night?” Liv asked as she passed the salad to her. Lucy nodded, chewing thoughtfully before she answered.

“I have plans with a friend.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Noah asked, his mouth full of spaghetti.

Lucy flushed. Rafael coughed on the wine he was drinking, red droplets splattering everywhere.

“Noah!” Liv chastised, as she handed a napkin to Rafael. Rafael patted himself, annoyed that his clothes were sprinkled with red wine, but he was curious to see how Lucy would respond.

Lucy let out a small laugh. “He is a special friend, yes.” Briefly, her eyes met Rafael’s once more. “Very special.” 

Later, as Lucy tucked Noah into bed, Rafael helped Liv clean up from dinner. He scraped the remains of the salad into the trash.

“So I saw you the other day at the park,” Liv commented. Rafael’s back was to hers, and he froze momentarily. He turned around, relieved that Liv hadn’t turned around herself.

“You seem happy,” Liv commented. “I want that for you.” She turned around and gave Rafael a genuine smile. “Where did you meet her?”

“A coffee shop,” Rafael replied. “Just pure happenstance.”

Lucy was walking up the hall when she heard the two of them speaking. She paused in her steps, and craned her neck to listen. Her heart pounded in her chest as she heard Liv quip about having dinner together.

She rounded the corner, and tried to appear jubilant. “Liv, Noah’s in bed - if you don’t mind, I’m going to head home.”

Liv nodded. “Thanks for everything. I’ll see you Thursday. Get home safely.”

“Do you want to share a cab?” Rafael suggested. “I’m almost done.”

Lucy shook her head. “No. I’m okay. See you around Rafael. ‘Night Liv.” Lucy rounded the hallway and let out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding once the elevators doors shut.

***

Lucy padded around her apartment, dressed for her date with Rafael that next night. She wore a black long sleeve, mock turtleneck bodysuit that had a thing bottom. The body suit was sheer except for the sleeves and panel at the breasts, that had lace details. It had an open back and she paired it with a pair of black skinny jeans and black booties. Stacks of bangles adorned her wrists. Her hair was normally pin straight, but she used her curling wand to create large, bouncy soft curls. She lined her eyes and was in process of finishing applying her lipstick when her buzzer sounded.

“Be right down,” she spoke after Rafael said hello through the speaker. Rafael wore dark fitted jeans and a burgundy cashmere sweater, with the sleeves pushed up. He was leaning against the cab, hands in pockets. Lucy’s breath hitched at the sight of him.

“Counselor,” she greeted with a wink.

“Te ves muy hermosa,” Rafael purred in Lucy’s ear before pressing a kiss to her lips. His breath on her ear, sent a warm shiver down her spine. “Thank you,” she squeaked. “Where are we going?”

Rafael climbed into the cab after Lucy. “Want to get out of the city?”

***

Lucy and Rafael were cozied in a booth in the back of Hotel Delmano, a cocktail bar in Brooklyn. The bar was outfitted with opulent chandeliers and old, smoky mirrors. The various rooms had turquoise or muted red walls adorned with portraits of old, stately-looking people.

Oysters and other small plates like olives, cheese boards, and pâtés rounded out the many drinks that were had. Rafael’s had one hand wrapped around the lowball glass and his other hand rubbed concentric circles on Lucy’s thigh. Rafael moved her hair to expose her neck. He nuzzled the sensitive skin, pressing small kisses along the slope of her neck.

Rafael cupped Lucy’s chin, and drew her to face him. “I knows it’s only been three months — I knew the we started talking at that coffee shop, that there was something about you I needed. But it wasn’t something about you. All I really, truly needed was just you. You make me happier than I thought I could be.”

“Oh Rafael,” Lucy began before the shrill of Rafael’s phone ringing interrupted her. Rafael gave her an apologetic look as he glanced at the phone. He held a finger to his lips and mouthed ‘Liv.’

“Barba,” he answered sharply. Rafael furrowed his brows as he listened intently and Lucy instantly knew their night was over. Lucy motioned for their check. The waitress brought over the bill and while still on the phone, Rafael took care of it. “Actually I am close by — that’s another story for another time.”

He hung up, and gave Lucy an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry. I’ll need to rain check.”

“It’s fine. You’re needed. Go.” Lucy pressed a quick kiss to Rafael’s lips and gave him a small smile. “Be safe.”

Rafael turned to leave but then stopped and swept Lucy into a deep, passionate kiss. “I’ll make it up to you. Promise.”

Lucy watched Rafael leave and opened her phone to order an Uber home. As she grabbed her clutch, she noticed Rafael’s phone was on the table. “Fuck,” she grimaced and ran out of the bar.

“Rafael! Rafael!” Lucy shouted running after Rafael. She burst out of the bar, and noticed him rounding the corner. Lucy continued to run after him. “You forgot your —“ she caught up to him and realized he was standing in front of someone — and that someone was Liv. Lucy was horrified. 

“Lucy? What are you doing —“ Liv began, confused but the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She pointed her finger back and forth.

“So how long have you two been fucking?”


	3. Chapter 3

The sunshine flooded the bedroom, stirring Lucy awake. She groaned as she sat up, feeling as if she were in a haze. Her head felt as if it was full of cotton and her mouth felt dry. She picked up her phone, it was late morning.

Rafael had texted her a number of times. The most recent read:

[7:30 AM] Please talk to me. Let me know you’re okay. I’m worried.

Grabbing a bottle of water from her nightstand, she recalled the events of the night prior.

“So how long have you two been fucking?” Liv demanded. Neither Rafael nor Lucy said a word. Finally, Liv spoke again. “I don’t have time for this right now. We have a perp to deal with who is going radio silent.”

Liv waited a beat before continuing. “Lucy? I don’t think I’ll be needing your services any longer.”

“What? Liv, please —“ Lucy began, her voice quivering as tears threatened to spill.

“You’re fired Lucy,” Liv affirmed, her voice clipped. She pivoted on her heels and walked away. Lucy looked at Rafael helplessly. Rafael opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Liv stopped walking and half turned her face. “Barba!”

“I - I’m sorry,” Rafael stuttered, fumbling his words. “I have to go. I will call you.”

Lucy climbed out of bed and grabbed an oversized sweatshirt to put on. She paused at a mirror, taking stock of her appearance: her eyes were smeared with black mascara and liner, trails of tears stained her cheeks. She felt fresh tears dampen her eyes and rubbed her eyes in a futile attempt to stop them from falling. She walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of vodka from the freezer. She contemplated taking a swig when she thought better of it and put it back.

There was a sharp knock on the door, and she made her way to the door and looked through the peephole. It was Rafael. He was dressed casually, in jeans and a half-zip oatmeal sweater. He had a five o’clock shadow and his hair, usually perfectly coifed was slightly tussled.

Lucy took a deep breath and unlocked the door chain. “Hey.”

In one sweeping motion, Rafael took Lucy into his embrace. Lucy stiffened before softening. Rafael ran his hand through her dark hair as he tightly squeezed as sobs wracked her body. “Shhhh, it’s going to be okay,” he murmured against her dark hair.

Petite as Lucy was, Rafael noted that she felt even smaller in his embrace. “What did you say to Liv?” Lucy questioned, momentarily pulling away. She walked over to her couch and sat, drawing her knees to her chest.

“We didn’t really talk. She is angry and she reacted badly.”

“Don’t you dare to defend her. I told you this would happen,” Lucy replied bitterly.

“I’m not defending her, querida,” Rafael replied softly. “I know this wasn’t how we wanted to let her know. Are you going to be okay? Do you need money?”

Lucy shrugged, standing. “Things will be tight. I’ll find something through the nanny-share, I am sure.”

Rafael reached into his wallet. “I have money.” Lucy held her hand up, shaking her head in protest. “No.”

Rafael sat down next to Lucy. “I insist. Let me take care of things. I’ve been a single man for the majority of my life and you know my hours. A lot of my money has been tucked away - I haven’t exactly thrown it around, unless it was on a suit. Let me help you. Let me take care of you.”

Lucy sighed, resigning “Okay.”

“I took the day off. I want to spend it with you. Whatever you want.” Lucy reached out to Rafael and pulled him to stand. “I’m going to take a shower. Care to join me?”

***

Rafael and Lucy kissed passionately in the shower. Rafael’s hands ran down her body, cupping her ass before running his hands back up her body to cup her breasts. His thumbs ran over her dusty rose nipples which had hardened under his touch. Lucy let out the softest moan as Rafael bent his head and took one of her small breasts in his mouth. Rafael wasn’t normally a breast man - more of an ass man - but he loved that he could take almost all of one breast in his mouth. His teeth gently bit on a nipple before he swirled his tongue. He imitated his ministrations to the other breast. She had a beauty mark under her left breast, and he used the tip of his tongue to trace it before he kissed his way down her body.

Rafael reached the apex of her thighs and gently spread her legs, inhaling her sweet, musky scent deeply. His large, veiny hands kept her thighs spread and he encouraged her to place a foot on his shoulder. Lucy was entirely exposed - and with Rafael she didn’t want it any other way. Rafael licked a broad stripe up her pussy, causing Lucy to moan loudly. She made a futile attempt to grip the tiled wall. “Oh fuck,” she moaned. “Don’t stop.” His tongue danced along her folds, before settling on her clitoris, swirling and licking.

Rafael let out a hum as he continued to work her with his mouth. Lucy gripped his hair tightly as she rocked against his mouth. She was desperate to feel something more inside of her and Rafael could sense of her urgency. He pulled away and lazily rubbed her swollen nub, causing her to cry out once more.

“Eres dulce en mi boca,” Rafael complimented before slipping two fingers inside her. Lucy cried out, and she clawed at the tiled wall.

“I’m going to come,” Lucy cried and Rafael continued to work her with his fingers and mouth. Lucy gasped and groaned above his touch which made him smile. His green eyes bore into her and he could sense how close she was.

Teasingly Rafael stilled his movements before kissing back up her body to her face. Lucy moved so she could return the favor, but he stopped her. “You don’t want me to?”

“This is all for you,” Rafael replied huskily. “You ready?“ he asked, kissing her collarbone.

Lucy nodded and Rafael lifted her up. Lucy clung to Rafael, her hands clinging onto his broad, muscled shoulders, her fingertips digging into his skin. Lucy’s long legs were wrapped around his hips, her ankles interlocked, and her heels settled on his buttocks. She leaned upward and he reached between them and dragged the tip of his cocked through her wet folds, pressing his hips forward slowly as he filled her. Lucy’s pussy was wonderfully tight and warm. Rafael fucked her slowly, driving his hips upward.

The sounds of moans and grunts echoed against the bathroom walls. Rafael gripped her creamy thighs tightly, as he thrusted in and out of her.

Rafael passionately kissed Lucy, his teeth grazed her bottom lip, tugging it. She groaned into the kiss and she opened her mouth wider so that she could sweep her tongue against his. He moved down to her neck, biting down causing Lucy to gasp. Rafael soothed the marked area with his tongue, pleased at the mark he had left.

Rafael slightly lost his footing, pulling Lucy along with him away from the wall, and directly under the shower spray. Rafael squatted slightly, with Lucy still wrapped around him and he continued fucking her, almost as if she was in mid-air. The slick feeling of legs, arms, and other parts gliding against each other was sending them each to the edge. Rafael bent his head and took one of her breasts in his mouth again. His tongue was warm and contrasted the water, which was starting to run cold.

“Oh God,” Lucy cried out. Rafael’s cock nudged her cervix with every erratic thrust. Rafael chuckled low and darkly into her ear. “Not God; just me.”

“I’m going to come,” Lucy gasped. Rafael pulled off her breast and backed her against the tiled wall once more for balance. He reached in between their bodies and found her clit, rubbing it haphazardly. Nothing was sexier to Rafael than seeing and hearing a woman orgasm - especially around his cock.

“Take it amorcita; this cock is all yours,” Rafael growled. “Cream for me.”

Lucy cried out Rafael’s name as her orgasm exploded, the blood was roaring in her ears. Rafael could feel her pussy clench around his cock and the coil in his own belly snapped. “Fuck, I am going to come,” he gasped. “Do you want me to…”

“My mouth,” Lucy gasped. Rafael set her down and Lucy sank on wobbly knees before taking his thick length in her mouth, tasting a mixture that was both distinctively him as well as herself. Rafael threw his head back, grunts emanating from his mouth as he fucked into her mouth, hard and fast. His head fell forward and through lust blown eyes he watched his cock go in and out of her mouth. His cock was all spit wet and shiny before it disappeared again in between her plump pink lips. He knew wasn’t going to last much longer. “Ready?”

A muffled mmhmm from Lucy bled around his cock. Rafael let out a stream of Spanish expletives as he came in her mouth, streams of hot, thick, white rope coated her mouth. Lucy swallowed his come quickly before she gently pulled off. With a wink, she thumbed the cum that had dribbled out of the corner of her mouth and sucked her finger clean.

“Mierda,” Rafael whispered, his eyes wide in awe. Rafael helped her stand and he kissed her once more - his hands framed her face. This time the kiss was slow and deliberate. He took his time, tracing her face with his fingers and her mouth with his, as if he was trying to commit the intricacies of her face and mouth to memory.

“You’re going to kill me, you know that, right?” Rafael murmured into her mouth.

Lucy let out a giggle and it made his heart sing.

The rest of the day was spent in her apartment. The intention was to order food and watch old black and white movies, but they spent the entire time making love, taking only the shortest of breaks to refuel. The sun eventually set, giving way to nightfall. The moonlight shone in her bedroom through the sheer curtains, providing a neon glow and Lucy almost looked ethereal. They were a tangled mess of limbs and as she drifted off, Rafael held her close. He was unsure as to how he became so lucky to have this beautiful creature in his life. He could never want for more.

***

The following morning, Rafael returned to One Hogan Place. He was in deep in a file when Liv barged in. “Captain, so nice of you to knock,” Rafael replied sternly. He could feel her anger radiating and the tension in the room was immediately palpable.

“How could you?” Liv asked, her voice shaking.

“Do what?” Rafael asked, his brow cocked.

“Save it. You know what I mean. Fucking Lucy behind my back,” Liv spat, her voice rising. “I expected better from you - what is this? A midlife crisis?”

Rafael felt the anger in him rise to the surface and he clenched his jaw, every muscle in his body was tense. He walked over to his door and shut it with a quiet click.

“Olivia,” Rafael began, his voice low, trying to keep himself calm. His heart was pounding and the vein in his forehead was beginning to throb. “I’ll give you some latitude since we are friends - but I will remind you that you are at my place of work; keep your voice down.”

He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and crossed his arms, before continuing. “Lucy and I are both consenting adults and we are in a relationship.”

“A relationship? Oh please. She’s twenty-five and you’re forty-nine.”

“I’m well aware.” Rafael replied, sitting on the corner of his desk.

“She could be your child,” Liv replied.

“She could. But she’s not. And please don’t describe her as that.”

Liv glared at Rafael. “You know the work we do - how can you look yourself in the mirror? You should be ashamed. You’re taking advantage of her.”

“Taking advantage! She is an adult with her own agency. Liv - we didn’t do this to intentionally hurt you. Neither one of us expected this to happen. But it did. If there is someone here who should be ashamed, it should be you Liv. You had no right to fire her! She didn’t do anything wrong and her relationship with me didn’t impact her duties in taking care of Noah!” Rafael exploded, his voice growing louder and louder.

Liv pinched the bridge of her nose. “When were you going to tell me?”

“We had planned to. I am not sure when, but the intention was there. Regardless, we should have disclosed it sooner. In that respect, what we did was wrong, but the truth, she makes me happy. And I like to think I make her happy too. Not everything done in the dark is shameful.”

Liv nodded, standing. She clasped her hands and opened her mouth to speak, but instead, grabbed her jacket and left, leaving Rafael alone again in his office.


	4. Chapter 4

Shortly after her outburst in Rafael’s office, Liv apologized to Lucy and offered her old job back, but Lucy turned it down - the relationship had soured and was destroyed. There was no going back to what it was. What hurt Lucy most was not getting to say goodbye to Noah on her own terms. It was the start of summer when Lucy was able to find something new in the nanny-share: a new family in Brooklyn Heights from South Carolina with two young girls. It felt as if things were going back to normal. Little did Lucy know how wrong she was. 

“Come for me,” Rafael growled against Lucy’s ear as he continued to pound upwards into her, his fingers gripping her hips tightly.

Lucy bit the inside of her cheek to prevent herself from screaming. Blood filled her mouth as she shuddered against Rafael, her walls tightening against his cock in a vice like grip. Rafael quietly grunted against her shoulder as he came.

As they both came down, Rafael pulled Lucy’s face towards him with his index finger and thumb and kissed her deeply. Lucy sighed into the kiss, savoring the full feeling of his cock inside her. The kiss broke and Lucy carefully pulled off Rafael’s lap, and smoothed her skirt down. Rafael stood, removed the used condom and knotted it before tossing into the trash. He tucked himself back into his pants.

“Never did that before,” Rafael quipped as he straightened his tie.

“Well, I hardly see you, so sex in the office it is,” Lucy pouted as she covered the condom with other trash, burying it. Lucy approached Rafael once more and tugged on his suspenders.

“I know amoricita. Lo siento,” Rafael replied. “I should be free for dinner tonight.”

“I’m actually meeting some friends for drinks. You should come and finally meet the whole gang,” Lucy exclaimed. “They know all about you.”

“I don’t know…” Rafael began. “I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“Nonsense!” Lucy replied, walking over to grab her purse. She slid the strap over her head so that the bag would lay cross against her. “It’ll be fun. They’ve been itching to meet you.”

Rafael furrowed his brows. “Okay.” He pulled Lucy close to him by her hands. “I’ll meet your friends.” He pecked her lips.

Lucy beamed. “I’ll text you the address!”

***

Rafael walked into the bar and could feel the music vibration in his cells. There was an incredible din of chatter and laughter. He pushed his way through the crowd, keeping an eye out for Lucy. He spotted Lucy in a booth surrounded by a gaggle of women. He awkwardly waved hello.

“Rafi, you made it!” Lucy shouted, her face lighting up. She climbed out of the booth. Her footing was slightly wobbly, and Rafael grabbed her by the waist to steady her. Rafael cocked a brow and looked past her at the empty beer bottles on the table.

He opened mouth to say something, but Lucy pressed a kiss to his lips. “Everyone this is Rafael, Rafael this is everyone - Norah, Genesis and Eliana.”

“Nice to meet you all. Let me treat you to the next round,” Rafael offered, reaching into his wallet. A round of cheers exploded from the booth. As Rafael turned towards the bar, he wondered if they had enough scotch to last him through the evening.

Hours later, the crowd at the bar hadn’t thinned out all - somehow it became even more crowded, filled to the brim with the younger working crowd. Rafael was nursing a beer - the scotch on hand was in his opinion, swill. He nodded along to the story being told by- was it Genesis? No - Eliana - it didn’t matter. “Excuse me,” Rafael replied.

He made his way to the back of the bar, continuing down a congested hall towards the bathroom. The line to use the bathroom wrapped around the corner and moved at a snail’s pace. Rafael leaned against the wall and closed his eyes as he waited. He could hear the sound of the bathroom door creaking and what he heard next made him open his eyes.

“Can you believe Lucy is dating that guy? He’s so… old.”

“She said he was fun.”

“Fun? He’s old enough to be her father! She must have some serious daddy issues.”

“He’s kind of hot though.”

“This isn’t romance. It’s clearly a transaction since she lost her job.”

Rafael felt his stomach churn and immediately felt hot. The door shut and Rafael watched as two of Lucy’s friends walked out of the bathroom. He shifted, so his back was to them and set his focus on some blond in a cheap suit who was talking up another patron. Rafael looked at the time - the urge to use the bathroom was gone and he decided it was time to leave.

He made his way back to the booth and Lucy.

“Amor, I’ve been given an emergency hearing on Monday. I need to go home and prepare,” Rafael lied.

“Oh boo,” Lucy pouted. “Please stay.”

“I wish I could, but I can’t. I’m going to close out the tab.“

“I’m going to stay,” Lucy replied, glancing at her friends who were talking amongst themselves. “I’ll text you later.”

“Please - let me know when you get home. Be safe.” Rafael replied. Lucy moved to kiss him, but instead he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

***

Initially Rafael did in fact feel his age with Lucy when they first started dating. He wasn’t oblivious to the huge age gap between him and the petite brunette. Maybe it was Lucy’s vivaciousness and spirited attitude, but life felt less jaded and his senses weren’t benumbed anymore. After Liv stormed into his office, those warm feelings began to pull away - like when the ground is pulled as the water retreats. Instead he was filled with doubt and consternation. Hearing the comments from Lucy’s friends further cemented those feelings.

‘What if they are all correct?’ Rafael wondered as he walked into court for that morning’s proceedings. Rafael looked at the people milling about and he imagined the conversations they would have if they knew he was in a relationship with a woman half his age.

“If this doesn’t scream midlife crisis, then I don’t know what does?”

“Cradle-robbing perv.”

It was the beginning of summer; the start of when people went on leave at the ADA’s office. Rafael picked up the slack; at first it was a bad habit - but then he purposely began to push Lucy away. It was an easy enough excuse: work, work, work. Lucy knew what he did for a living. Lucy was no stranger to Rafael’s long hours, given her history with Liv and SVU.

Lucy could feel Rafael pulling away. It wasn’t immediately obvious but the threads that held their relationship together were starting to fray. It wasn’t just constant work, cancelled dates or clipped one-sided conversations - the tension was getting thick.

***

Rafael was sitting on the bed, leaning over to tie his shoes before work. Lucy sleepily sat up in bed and watched him as then moved to put his tie on. She bit her lip before she sat up fully and moved to be closer. She leaned against him to press a kiss to his cheek.

Rafael closed his eyes as Lucy pressed against him and placed kisses along his neck. She ran her hands down his shoulders to the front of his dress shirt. “Mmm you can take 5 minutes, can’t you?” she murmured against his ear before taking his lobe into his mouth and nibbled. “Maybe instead of lunch today, you can devour me?”

Rafael felt the heat in groin pool. As much as he wanted to, the comments from the bar popped into his head and he felt the bile in his stomach rise.

“Lucy, I can’t,” Rafael replied sharply.

“Okay,” Lucy replied defensively. “You don’t need to snap.”

“I’m sorry.” Rafael immediately felt guilty. He stood up and grabbed his suit jacket.

“What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing,” Rafael lied. “Why would you think anything is wrong?”

“Ever since…” Lucy began as she rolled out of bed, grabbing her jeans. “You’re not the same.”

“Since what?”

Lucy bounced as she tugged on her jeans. She dug into her pocket and took out a hair tie. “Since Liv! Things are different. I don’t see you anymore. You hardly respond to my calls or texts. I’m tired of having a relationship with your phone.”

“You knew what you signed up for when you got into this relationship,” Rafael tersely replied, grabbing his attaché.

“Are you kidding me?” Lucy questioned, as she slipped her tank top on. She couldn’t believe what Rafael was saying. Her heart ached and her stomach knotted up.

“I’m not. And if you’re not getting what you want, then maybe we shouldn’t be together anymore,” Rafael snapped.

“You’re right. Maybe we shouldn’t be together anymore. I thought I was finally with someone who knew what they wanted - clearly that’s not you!” Lucy replied angrily. Tears threatened to fall and she chewed on her bottom lip.

Rafael wanted to spill the opposite - that he wanted to be with her - that life was better with her in it - that truth be told, he loved her. He shoved the feelings aside. He knew no one would truly accept them.

“I’ve got to go to court.”

The color from Lucy’s face drained and she stared at him in disbelief. Rafael fought the urge to apologize and sweep her into his arms. To further twist the knife, he continued. “I’ll make sure to have a messenger come by with any stuff you’ve left behind.”

“You’re an asshole,” Lucy shouted as he blew past her. Rafael inwardly winced as he shut the door, leaving Lucy behind.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been weeks since the breakup. Rafael did what he did best and dove head first into work. He worked night and day, taking on whatever slack was floating around One Hogan Place.

One afternoon when he allowed himself to an actual lunch break, curiousity got the best of Rafael. As he inhaled his sandwich, he opened his Instagram app to see what Lucy was up to.

Lucy was apparently not quite as broken hearted as he thought she would be. Rather, she seemed to be on vacation having the best time.

Rafael let his mind drift to a happier time between the two of them; he thought about the picnic in Central Park. Things seemed so simple then. He missed her. All of her.

Rafael wondered if he was too late. He didn’t want to move on - but it was apparent that she did.

And he felt his already broken heart shatter even more.

\--  
Lucy was so engrossed in the novel she was reading that she did not even notice that Rafael had entered until he sat down across from her. She jumped in her seat, startled, nearly spilling her green matcha latte. Part of her was disturbed that Rafael chose the same coffee shop where everything began. She felt hot and sweaty despite wearing linen shorts and a spaghetti strap tank. She wasn’t sure as to what to expect from this meeting.

“I’m sorry for startling you,” Rafael replied. Lucy nodded, waving her hand. Her stomach flipped-flopped as she took in his appearance: a white polo and navy shorts. Rafael looked good - annoyingly good. 

It seemed apparent that breakups didn’t faze Rafael. The only sign that maybe he didn’t have it together was the five o’clock shadow which graced his face. Lucy’s mind flashed to a time where she felt that against her most sensitive parts and she shuddered.

An awkward silence befell the two. Lucy picked at the tissue in front of her and Rafael shifted in his seat uncomfortably before speaking once more.

“Thank you for taking the time to meet with me,” Rafael began. “I want you to know that I am truly sorry for everything I said that day. I hurt you –”

“Hurt?” Lucy replied in disbelief. “It doesn’t even come close to hurt. You took my heart and obliterated it. You humiliated me. And the worse thing is, is that you didn’t even care enough to try to talk to me like an adult. Instead you pushed me away.” Tears threatened to spill. Lucy felt all flush; her stomach lurched. “I just have to ask – why?”

“I’m so sorry Lucy. I don’t want to live without you.”

Lucy looked away – it was almost unbearable to look at Rafael directly - it was like staring at the sun. Her voice quivered as she spoke. “How can I believe you? You seemed pretty clear on how you felt that day in your apartment.”

Rafael hung his head low, full of shame. He took a deep breath and then he spilled everything – all of his insecurities – starting from when Liv found out about them to overhearing the comments made by Lucy’s friends when they were out. Until a drop fell onto his hand, Rafael hadn’t even realized that he himself was crying.

Rafael sighed. “You’re the only one who makes me feel all the things that I thought I was too old or damaged or smart to feel. I was hurting. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t love you. I still love you. Lucy, I am so in love with you.”

Lucy stared at Rafael, completely at a loss for words.

Rafael used that to his advantage and continued his speech. “I don’t want to feel this sad or lonely if I don’t have to. I took for granted how happy you made me – I let others influence me. I was in pain and I pushed you away. I shouldn’t have done that. I owe you more than that.”

“You make it really fucking hard to hate you,” Lucy replied, taking a sip of her coffee, hoping it would soften the lump in her throat.”

“I would give anything for another chance.”

“I shouldn’t,” Lucy sighed, picking at the tissue once more.

“And I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t,” Rafael replied. “I don’t deserve it.”

“But I would be remiss if I said I didn’t love you. I still love you too.” Lucy’s declaration was so quiet, so soft, that Rafael wasn’t even sure he had heard correctly. Then a small smile twitched across her lips.

Rafael’s heart leapt in his chest and grinned. He reached across the table and Lucy grasped his hand, squeezing gently.

“We can’t go back to how we were,” Lucy replied matter of factly. “Because we aren’t those people anymore. But I am willing to give this another shot if you’re all in.”

Rafael took Lucy’s hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back of her palm. “I’m all in.”

Fin


End file.
